Reflections on 2010

I'd like to focus on the MANY good things that happened for me and my family in 2010.

January: I quit my job to become a stay-at-home-mom! SAHM is a dream job for me. It's what I've wanted to do my whole life. I'm so grateful that I was able to do this in January, because I was able to spend 1 month at home with just me & Derick. This was a really special time for us to be together before Warren was born.

February: Accomplishment #1 is that I was able to carry a baby to full term! After having an emergency induction with Derick at 36 weeks I was thrilled to be able to keep Warren safe and warm until 2 days before his due date. Accomplishment #2 was the expansion of our family to 4! Warren was born happy & healthy. We had a very short stay at the hospital and were able to come home to be together as a family. I was also lucky enough to have both my Mom & my Mother in Law available to come visit and help around the house.

March: Derick was finally 100% potty trained! I say finally, because it always feels like diapering a child is such a long and tedious process, but in fact, he potty trained very early. This was just the start of many new Big Boy accomplishments for Derick. He's an amazing child, so loving, friendly, smart and respectful. I love him with all of my heart.

April: was spent at home. Doing what we do best - being a family together.

May: was when I learned to wrap a baby! When Derick was small I was always wearing him, but I wore him in a bag sling, a soft structured carrier, a mei tai - I had been intimidated with wrapping and never tried. In May, Chris bought me a Mother's Day/Birthday combo gift - my 1st woven wrap! It was Dolcino Male 5.4m - a lovely, soft, neutral wrap. I quickly discovered that wrapping a baby is THE way to go.

June and July were a blur. Caring for a young baby and a toddler in the heat is rough, but we made it thru. I also started to teach myself to sew....

August was Derick's 3rd birthday and on his birthday our extended famliy all came together to celebrate. It also so happened to be my brother's wedding rehersal. Joel and Natalie were married and we were all part of the wedding party. I never imagined I'd be a bridesmaid at 32 years old! I was really out of my element, but I tried really hard to go with the flow and I think I did a decent job in the end. I beg of you though... if you are reading this and considering asking me to be a part of your wedding... PLEASE find someone else! I really don't enjoy all the pressure that comes with being in someone else's wedding.

September we spent all of our focus on getting some finances in order. Reducing our income so severely this year finally caught up with us and we weren't going to make it unless we got some help. Our mortgage has now been refinanced and we are feeling a lot more comfortable. Of course I'm still significantly delinquent on my student loans, but that's something to tackle in 2011.

October was so much fun preparing for Halloween! Both boys dressed as skeletons for Halloween and were just adorable. Derick had a blast getting ready for Halloween. We went to the pumpkin patch frequently to play with the toys, go thru the maze and just hang out with the pumpkins. We baked pies, pumpkin cake, pumpkin pancakes and pumpkin seeds at home. Daddy and Derick carved pumpkins together.

November was our road trip. We took our 1st family road trip and drove 4,000 miles round trip. We took I80 across the country to New Hampshire where we spent 2 days with Nana & Pop Pop. It was so wonderful to see my grandparents and my children together. My cousins Ed and Chris were all grown up and it was so much fun getting to know them as adults. After we left New Hampshire, we drove down to Long Island and spent almost a week with my Mom. We were able to take Derick on the ferry boat, and show him the lighthouse where we were married. We had lobster dinner and drank local wines. It was heavenly. Both boys were so well behaved on the trip. They slept well in the car and adjusted to life on the road. They were pleasant and happy when they met new family memebers. I couldn't have asked for a better trip.

And that brings us to December. This month I taught myself to knit! We had a wonderful Christmas surrounded by family. But more importantly we've been told there will be 2 new additions to the family next year! Both Joel & Natalie & Scott & Kelly are expecting babies in August 2011. I'm so happy for my brothers.

I hope 2011 is prosperous for all my friends, my family, and myself. I plan to expand my skills - continue to learn new things - seek for additional ways to contribute to my family. Do my best to take care of the people I love.

Happy New Year 2011!

Insecure

Here it is... I think no one likes me. Really and truly. I can remember being a small child & feeling like my friends didn't really like me. I was probably only 7 or 8 years old when I hid in the woods and listened as my friends and family didn't look for me. That proved it for me. No one would care if I was gone.

When I turned 18 and my father walked out on us I begged him to keep me in his life. He didn't. If my own father doesn't like me, how could anyone else like me?

So now I'm an adult... I have a husband, 2 children... a couple of failed careers... Most of my friends are online because it's easier that way. I never have to worry if they like me or not. They aren't "real", so I can accept the fact that they don't like me. It doesn't hurt as much.

What does hurt is when I feel like my family doesn't like me. Every time they plan a get-together and don't call to invite me my insecurities are reaffirmed. Every time I invite my brothers to do something and they don't bring their wives, my heart breaks because I KNOW they don't like me.

And every time I talk to my husband about how I feel & he gets mad and yells at me and tells me it's my own fault and I'm ruining things for him... Well, it makes me think that he doesn't like me either.

Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself. Yes, I sound overly dramatic right now. But yes, this is how I really feel. These are my real fears and insecurities. This is what brings me to tears. And I don't know how to get past it.

I'm scared of the day when I start to feel like my own children don't like me.

Eli Monster ROCKS!

And I want to win a diaper cover!

Go to this blog to win....
http://theelimonster.blogspot.com/2010/11/birthday-giveaway.html

Nap time

Nap time seems to be the hardest part of my day lately. Poor little Warren just doesn't know what is best for him. He fights & fights to stay awake and then he gets so tired he just doesn't know what to do with himself. He cries when I try to nurse him, he cries when I hold him, he cries when I put him on the couch, the floor, the exersaucer, and he screams bloody murder when I put him in his crib.

Everyone says that consistency is the key. I never learned consistency and it's really difficult for me to practcie consisentcy in my daily life. I let the kids sleep in as late as they want and we take our days as they come. I let patterns arrise naturally and allow them to change as needed. I like to live a fluid and organic life.

Where I do bring consitency into play is when my children need discipline and guidence. Chris & I map out specific rules and follow thru with the consequences of breaking those rules. And when sleepy Warren is crying and just won't tolerate anything, I have to put him in his bed and let him cry for a few minutes so he understands, now is nap time.

Ahhhh... I think he just got it. He stopped crying. He's such a good little boy. I hope I'm doing right by him and raising him to be a smart, productive, hard working member of society.

"Avoiding the Mom haircut"

I just saw a headline on Yahoo that said "Avoiding the Mom haircut". What is this??? I've heard "Mom jeans" are bad. I know "Mom-mobiles" are bad. Is there anything good about being a Mom? Or should I just hang my head in shame everytime I leave my house?

It's ridiculous that popular culture is making motherhood into something to be embarrassed about. I for one am proud to be a Mom. I love my kids and I believe I am doing my part to contribute to a healthy society for the future by staying at home to raise my children.

I wear Mom jeans. They have a mid-rise that hits just below my belly button. Do you know why? Because they are made to fit my Mom body! And they look WAY better on me then if I were to squeeze into some low cut, tight thigh, juniors jeans!

I have Mom hair too! I wear it in a bob. Not long. Not short. Why is that? Because it is easy to style and doesn't get in my way when I'm busily carrying my young children, cooking for my family, or running errands.

And I drive a small SUV. Maybe it's not a full on Mom-mobile, but guess what? I want a Mini-van! Yep, I'm not ashamed. I want a vehicle that seats my family of 4 and still has room to pop in an extra carseat incase I have another Mommy friend who wants to hitch a ride home from the zoo. A mini-van is clearly the most comfortable option for the busy Mom on the go.

Does all this Mom stuff make me less sexy? Mabye in the eyes of the club-hopping, trend setters in their twenties, but that sure doesn't matter to me. I care if my husband finds me sexy and he does! Does all this Mom stuff make me stand out in public as being the woman who is saddled with 2 kids? Doubtful! I'm quite sure people figure that out by the baby on my back and the toddler holding my hand!

I am a Mom. I am proud. This is an important phase of my life and I am not ashamed to flaunt my Mom-ness!

One of my very favorite poems...

Dr. Seuss for Nursing Moms

Would you nurse her in the park?
Would you nurse him in the dark?
Would you nurse him with a Boppy?
And when your boobs are feeling floppy?

I would nurse him in the park,
I would nurse her in the dark.
I’d nurse with or without a Boppy.
Floppy boobs will never stop me.

Can you nurse with your seat belt on?
Can you nurse from dusk till dawn?
Though she may pinch me, bite me, pull,
I will nurse her `till she’s full!

Can you nurse and make some soup?
Can you nurse and feed the group?
It makes her healthy strong and smart,
Mommy’s milk is the best start!

Would you nurse him at the game?
Would you nurse her in the rain?
In front of those who dare complain?
I would nurse him at the game.
I would nurse her in the rain.

As for those who protest lactation,
I have the perfect explanation.
Mommy’s milk is tailor made
It’s the perfect food, you need no aid.

Some may scoff and some may wriggle,
Avert their eyes or even giggle.
To those who can be cruel and rude,
Remind them breast’s the perfect food!

I would never scoff or giggle,
Roll my eyes or even wiggle!
I would not be so crass or crude,
I KNOW that this milk’s the perfect food!

We make the amount we need
The perfect temp for every feed.
There’s no compare to milk from breast-
The perfect food, above the rest.

Those sweet nursing smiles are oh so sweet,
Mommy’s milk is such a treat.
Human milk just can’t be beat.
I will nurse, in any case,
On the street or in your face.

I will not let my baby cry,
I’ll meet her needs, I’ll always try.
It’s not about what’s good for you,
It’s best for babies, through and through.

I will nurse her in my home,
I will nurse her when I roam.
Leave me be lads and ma’am.
I will nurse her, Mom I am.

Author unknown

Dontcha hate it when...

You spend an hour working on a post & then in 2 seconds flat, the toddler jumps on the computer & all my hard work just disappears.

My babywearing blog was comming right along, but now I have to start where I left off AGAIN. This time I'll be smart about it & not bother trying to work on it unitl the boy is asleep.

*sigh*

Babywearing - what it means to me.

Babywearing is such a hot term right now! Have you heard about babywearing? Do you know what and why it is? Have you heard that slings are bad and babies died? Lemme see if I can share a bit of my thoughts on babywearing...

When I was pregnant with my 1st child I was doing the typical First Time Mom things: I read a lot, made lists of baby gear, and added everything I could find on to my registry at Babies R Us. One day I was talking with my mom and she offered to buy me a stroller. She wanted to make sure I had a good one. I promptly told her that I wasn't sure I wanted a stroller at all... it seemed un-natural to me to strap my baby into a stroller and roll him around. I wanted to find a good baby carrier and WEAR MY BABY! *gasp* My mother was horrified. She thought I was being my typical unreasonable, opinionated self & obviously I didn't know what I was talking about. SHE had 4 kids and SHE was the queen of all things natural, so of course SHE knew best and I would definitely be needing a stroller.

Now a couple of friends/coworkers hooked me up with some hand-me-downs from their babies before my son was born and low and behold I found a couple of baby carriers in the loot! I was given 2 of the most popular baby carriers on the market: the Bjorn and the Snugli. I was thrilled! I tried them both on before I even had a baby to put in them and I was immediately disappointed. Neither of them were very comfortable, easy to use or pretty. I actually gave them both back to their former owners and told them thank you, but no thanks. I was now on the hunt to find a good baby carrier.

I quickly found something new that I thought was perfect for me... The Infantino Sling Rider aka The Bag of Death! Muahahaha I liked the SR not only because it was pretty, but because it let me hide my baby away from the peering eyes of strangers and it had a cool pocket. The problems were that I never felt I could get my baby up high enough and the one shoulder carry wasn't comfortable for long periods. Also, I was never truely hands free because I would keep one hand under my baby's bum for support & the other hand was always holding the rail of the pouch open so I could check on my sweet little boy.



I did end up letting my mom buy me a stroller. She got me a great "travel system" with the carseat, base & jogging stroller to click the carseat right in. For what it's worth, it really was a nice set up. Comfortable & easy to use. Bulky? Yes. Impersonal? Yep. Comforting to my baby boy? I'm not so sure about that one.



Initially I didn't use that stroller much. My boy was born a month early and at only 4 lbs 13 oz. He was a tiny little guy and being the First Time Mom that I was, I felt really uncomfortable when out in public. I hated hearing people gawk and cry out "Oh my God he's so tiny!". So we used the SR when we went out and it was a lifesaver for me. But, my boy grew and eventually I couldn't carry him in the SR anymore. I had to find a new baby carrier. I did a ton of research again, and settled on an Ergo.

I guess the Ergo was the drug that started the addiction that is baby carriers. It seems that with each new baby carrying device comes a new love and then is followed by the curiosity of "what else is out there?" and "will that work for us too?". I have since owned many baby carriers: Mei Tai, pouch sling, and now wraps. The wraps are by far my most used baby carriers. There is nothing better then being able to snuggle and calm your baby and still having the freedom of being hands free. I just wish I had known the wrapping love before the birth of my 2nd child. If only I had known how wonderful it would be when my older son was just a baby. Still now at 3 years old, he does ask to be wrapped. He was never wrapped as a baby, but he can still enjoy the snuggle time as a toddler. He mostly asks to be wrapped just before bed or if he is sick. He knows it just feels right to be snuggled up with someone you love. He feels safe and isn't that the best feeling in the world for a small child?



Besides just feeling right, wrapping is ideal for baby's development. Keeping a baby close by Momma is good for preventing PPD and helps stimulate milk production. Being in an upright position (and up high near adults' faces) helps prevent acid reflux, promotes healthy development of eyes, neck muscles, the spine, and encorages babies to be part of the conversation, thus creating a sense of security and self confidence. I'm actually helping my children develop into good people while doing something that is more convienent for me!

Babywearing is a huge passion for me. I hope to be able to share this love with my future nieces/nephews (if my brothers ever have kids!) and my grandchildren too.





The photo above really showcases the important points about how to wear your baby.
1. Your baby should be in a seated position with knees at or above the bum.
2. The carrier should support baby from knee to knee.
3. Your baby should be up high - high enough for you to kiss his head.

What's the hardest part of being a stay-at-home-mom?

When I was working full-time in an office I heard a lot of women say they could never stay at home with the kids because they would get bored, or they'd feel trapped, or they'd miss adult coversation, or they'd feel so unproductive. I agree, it's possible to feel all of those things and staying at home is not for everyone.

My biggest problem is never having a day off. I can't even get a lunch hour! I have not had more than 20 minutes of "me time" in the past 7 months. Mostly that is due to my commitment to breast feeding, but a part of it is due to the responsiblity of being a stay-at-home-mom. I spend all day, every day, caring for my 2 sweet young boys. And in the evening when my loving husband comes home from his hard day of work, he takes a bit of alone time to clear his head. And on the weekends when we are together as a family, the hubby has a chance to sleep in while I get up to tend to the children. I patiently hush them and ask them to please speak quietly while Daddy is sleeping.

Recently my husband was sick. His company is very understanding of his illness and he was able to take a few days off work to recouperate at home. I was sick too, but I did not get get any "sick time". I actually took on additional responsiblities while I was sick because the hubby was at home & needed me to help care for him too.

I can understand why so many women don't want this job. There are literally no benefits, except what you make of it. I love my family and I truely believe that having a parent at home with the children is what is best for the children. I believe that it is the responsibility of the parent to be the primary role model of the children. I believe that families need to come first and that means 2 loving parents who are committed to teaching their children how to be good people.

I'm working hard, 24/7, to raise my sweet young boys so they will grow up to be strong men, loving husbands and attentive fathers. This job isn't for everyone, but for me, this job is everything.