The other day my husband was telling me out the recent trouble Kobe Bryant got into. I guess he called a ref a bad name and he's being defended by his fans because they claim he was just joking around and the words he used shouldn't be taken so seriously.
I find this very alarming. It seems that in modern society people incorporate condescending language into their daily lives and think that somehow frequent usage of those words makes the words less hurtful. It's just slang after all, right?
Bitch, whore, fag, (the n word) are all inappropriate terms and should not be taken lightly in my opinion. Just because you throw these words into your daily vocabulary does not make them acceptable. I believe that the root of the problem is just that; friends laugh and have fun at another person's expense and their constant use of these words makes them complacent to the power of these words. This can create a mob-mentality and opens the door for cyber bullying. Sadly, these behaviors do cross the borders of all social groups. It is not limited to the under-educated, the youth, or any other social group.
I recently witnessed a bit of "joking" around between some women who are my online friends. We have a small, private group of friends who post regularly about very private subjects. Yesterday I discovered a discussion that left a bitter taste in my mouth. "Susie" and "Sally" were complaining that "Betty" plagiarized some of "Susie's" writings. When "Sally" questioned "Betty" as to the origin of her writings, "Betty" said she saw it somewhere & liked it so much, she decided to use it too. "Susie" and "Sally" then came back to their private group of friends and bashed "Betty" (who is not a member of the private group). They called her names like whore and skank. It was even once said by someone that they wanted her to die, but that statement was immediately altered and it was stated that in fact, no one actually wanted "Betty" to die. There were many other friends who chimed in to laugh out loud, or basically egg the bullying on.
I adamantly believe that there is no protection from being offended. It is my personal responsibility to control the information that I allow to affect me and if I do feel offended it is my responsibility to remove myself from the situation. But on the other hand, I could no sit by and let these women, my friends, continue spewing such hateful things. I had to speak up. Here is what I wrote (edited for anonymity)...
"I'm probably going to get bashed for this but I have to say it... this thread makes me really uncomfortable. Imitation is supposed to be the highest form of flattery. IMO you should be flattered that your (writings) made such an impression on that mama that she remembered it & wanted to use it herself. To bash her so thoroughly and call her such hateful names seems very immature & clique-ish.
I enjoy being a part of this group when we can stand together as women/mothers/wives and encourage each other to live our lives as honest people and support each other when the going gets rough. I won't participate when the mob mentality kicks in. This thread crosses a line for me."
I can't be sure how my words were "heard", but I can tell you my intention was to put a stop to the behavior without sounding bossy or mean. I wanted to encourage my friends to step it up and be leaders, not to drag each other down. Sadly, I did not receive the response I had hoped for. I was told that they were just joking around, it was all in good fun, and that basically I should be okay with it too because they are all sitting there behind their computers laughing at the screens.
WHICH IS EXACTLY THE PROBLEM WITH OUR SOCIETY! Just because you are having fun, doesn't make it right. *sigh* I'm glad I swallowed my fear of speaking out & said what I did. I'm sad that my friends aren't the women I thought they were. I hope we can move past this and continue our friendships... only time will tell.
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